Someone from my college was doing sort of survey about people's expectations before coming to Japan and how those expectations were different from the reality. I started writing and then went a little nuts, so I thought I'd also post it here. Keep in mind that this was a thread on facebook and that I'm talking to a bunch of Japanese study abroad people and at points sort of commenting on what was previously said. I think it holds together though.

For me, the before was mostly that there would be crazy things happening at all times. It was along the lines of, some people were traditional and stern, but most people were just plain off the wall, but in a good way. In other words, I would constantly be bombarded with weird and interesting things and experiences.

The reality is, it's been just like anything else, good, bad, and in the middle. The people here are people, even if they do seem to conform more to the status quo. In that regard, actually, I was disappointed. I feel like there are weirder things going on in America, mostly because people feel a need to rebel against it. Without that, as feels to be the case here, the interesting objects and clothing and venues are just the thing of the moment or merely a fashion identity.

These people do things because it causes the least amount of strain on them. I find that if you show them you can speak their language, they are far more willing to interact with you. I think it's true that people who want to be your friends want something of you, either language or culture exchange, but isn't that what we want of them? As far as the man to woman thing goes, it's true in certain cases and not true in others. Have you guys tried picking up chicks in kabuki-cho, Tokyo? I've seen my American friends, both those that have no Japanese and those that could teach the class fall on their miserable faces almost every night that first month. It depends, I think.

That barrier that exists beyond language, that culture barrier, and the tatte mae, is indeed stronger than I was led to believe. But there are some weirdos here, that are harmless and perhaps even dorks or losers (but isn't that also us?), that we can be accepted by.

I met a male Japanese friend when he hooked up with my, also male, friend, and we didn't connect because he wanted to practice English, as his English is already exceptional. We slip in and out of both, and when he asked me whether or not it was easier to speak in Japanese and English, and I replied in Japanese that sometimes its hard to understand him, but I wanted practice, and he smiled and said, "ah, then it's Japanese!" While it's true that he does have a fascination with foreigners, don't we, as well? He loves European politics and history and economic theory. He reads Western literature. He has a strange fascination and an encyclopedic knowledge for American Presidents. He strives to understand himself by juxtaposing himself with items of stark contrast. Just like me.

The reason we became friends is because we all strange. Who are we to try to penetrate this dense culture, and yet we do try. Who is he to live in Canada, and to rebel against his Japanese traditions and live out his honne as much has he can? His difference is ours, the authentic interest in things not our own.

But that's the fallacy we came here with. We thought that because we were different, we could fit in somewhere else, a place we perceive as more strongly analogous with our tastes and ideals. But people are the same anywhere. Why would it be easier to make friends or talk to people here than in America? It should be harder, if anything, because of language. Beyond that, we'll only truly strike up with weirdos because that's what draws us in. On the surface, the Japanese are more bureaucratic, closed off, and conformist, but those are all generalities and mean nothing. Finding cool Japanese people as friends or as sexual partners or just to talk to on the street is as easy and hard as it is at home. Some people spurn you and some people are kind out of politeness, but some people truly want to help you and want for you to help them.

There are a couple reasons I haven't been posting. Here they are...SEMICOLON! No, it would go like this: Here they are; I promised last time to detail my trip to Nico and also to post more pictures. The very idea of doing either so filled me with anxiety that I neglected this blog as one would a red-headed stepchild. The tedious nature of both those actions was enough make me lose interest in blogging all together. But that isn't right to you, those of who you care about me, and by my not blogging, I neglect. So, easy, short version of things to catch up, and then new things, and then no pictures, yet.

Nico sort of sucked at first, but then got awesome. It was always beautiful, but not having a hotel for the first night was tiring, and the hotel we did get was only ok. We essentially couldn't do anything the first day because of how much time it took to get to the hotel, and then the hotel had a curfew(?). We got drunk and went to the onsen they had in the hotel. I sort of hated it. I know I'm supposed to like it but I don't, and being drunk in that situation only made it worse. It's not like I don't like being naked in front of other people, because the shower situation in my dorm makes it so I have to be in naked in front of people I don't know all the time. Something about it, I don't know. Later, Chris locked himself in out room and fell asleep. We thought he was gone, so we asked the people at the hotel to open our room, and they asked if he was asleep, but I said I didn't think so because the tv was on. The woman in the backroom said something like, I bet he's asleep because he's drunk. One of the guys opened our room for us, and looked inside and said, yappari, meaning, yeah, our friend was in their passed out wrapped in a blanket.

The next day was better because we found the hotel we had reservations for, The turtle inn, and it was sort of trying to be western style, which was adorable, just like the lady working there. When we asked about a curfew, she said, You can come and go whenever you like, but if you go out at night, please close the door to my house, with sort of a special emphasis on the words "my house", as though it were the name of the place. She would repeatedly say that, my house. This is about the time when tim arrived, and everything became awesome. It's not like I wasn't having fun, but the whole thing felt off, for some reason. I had been wowed by anything happening, and even though the scenery was amazing, I felt really distant from everything. Tim had gone to Nagano, and passed through a couple towns on the way, and the pictures he had revealed incredibly bizarre and interesting things. I was jealous, because that is what I had wanted.

We went to a korean restaurant where the owners loved foreigners and pictures of them tapped up everywhere. We chatted with the male owner for over an hour, mostly in japanese. We gave him some of the sake Tim got in nagano, and he informed us it was some of the most famous sake ina ll of japan. It was amazing, so it must have been true.

When we got back to the hotel, they went out to the baths and to the conbini, but I stayed back and fooled around with tim's ukelaly(sp?). When they got back, they had purchased all this porn. It was pretty interesting, because porn is everywhere in japan, and its sort censored in weird ways, like all genitals are censored, but also if a hand is near a genital, it is censored all the way to the elbow. Otherwise, it's the same, empty sex with flashes of humanity shining through every once in awhile.

The next day was great though. It was fun being with Tim and Josh and Chris all together and there was a good dynamic. We went to the Tokugawa tomb, which was incredible. We saw the famous sanzaru woodcuttings (the three monkeys, you know, see no evil, hear no evil, say no evil) and the architecture was great. The weather was clear and not too cold. After that, we went to a micro brewery, and while Josh, Chris and Elyssa kind of ran ahead, thinking we werent going to have enough time to catch our train, Tim and I hung back and walked leisurely. I really like Tim a lot. We connect on an interesting level, and often things that would be boring are interesting because he's around. We laugh pretty hard, as well. It's going to be a loss when he leaves in a few weeks.

Anyway, the micro brewery was great. The beer was amazing, and the owner came out and gave us apples to eat with the beer, saying after you drink the beer, the apples taste amazing, which was true. Probably the best beer I've had in japan. Afterwards, the owner gave us all a ride in his van back to our hotel, which is completely unheard of in the states. We got our stuff and went to the train. Afterwards, Josh and I realized that we had both irrevocably changed, yet we could not say how or why.

Wow, don't I look like a jack-ass. I said I didn't want to write about this, but here I actually wrote a lot.

Anyway, I got myself a host family. It's gonna be great. I actually sort of got used to the idea of not having on next semester because the people in the office acted like it wasn't happening, but then yesterday, they were all like, we need all this stuff from you to give to your host family, and I was like, so, does that mean I have one, and they were like, uh, yeah, i guess, as if they didn't really want to tell me for some reason.

Which brings to something that pisses me off about japanese people. I was sick yesterday, but I came to school anyway. However, at the end of the day I felt completely wasted, but I had a kind of interview oral, so I asked if I could take it tomorrow. The person in the office and the person who was administering the interview said it was ok, but some other person, I guess the lady who wrote out the schedule for the oral, had her panties in a twist. When I asked her, she said, well, its not like a test we can just hand to you, I'll have to reschedule you with someone. And was like, yeah..., so, is it ok? because I was really asking the question if it was ok, not telling her I was taking it tomorrow. But at that point she got fed up with me or something and just walked away, either because she thought I didn't understand her, or whatever. Someone tried to explain it to me in english, but it wasn't like I didn't understand what she said, I just didn't know what she wanted from me. I sort of realized later that by her telling me what an inconvenience it would be for her, I should naturally just not do it. Which is fucking bullshit. If someone isn't direct with me, I can never figure out what they want. Especially if it's a situation when I'm effectively asking for a favor.

I'm excited for my host family. It's only one person, no kids, which is what I wanted. A couple would have been cool, but this is also nice. I don't understand these people who spurn their host families by staying out late all the time. I feel like they are missing a chance to become close to a Japaneses person. Also, the meals, oh god, the meals they relate to me, it's enough to put me on edge. I've been literally counting calories backwards, my dear friends, to make sure I'm getting enough energy. I'm never sated here. But then there are these ten course meals for these ryugakusei, I just had to become apart of it.

I was depressed last week, about how impossible this language is. I feel better now, because I've accepted that i will make mistakes, and that it's ok. Like, there's always this culture that it's not ok to make mistakes in class, because then I get bad grades, and it reflects poorly. However, thats how I learn. I got a test back, and it was like, a 66. I looked at it for about 5 minutes, took a retake, and got a 96. I knew what I had done wrong, just by knowing that it was wrong. They don't correct your tests, just put a red mark where something is incorrect, and that's all I needed. The only way I ever learn is through my mistakes. The failure fills in the cracks. Almost always, when I'm speaking or writing, I figure out my mistake immediately after ive done it. Just this past weekend, I asked this couple for directions, and right after, I turned to my friend and said, shit, I just asked them in an unacceptably rude way, I should have said this, and I knew exactly what I should have said. This is my way. Having a host mother will be the thing that improves my japanese, more than this school. It's being here in the real world thats improving me. Not that the school isn't good, but it's nothing compared to the universe.