Someone from my college was doing sort of survey about people's expectations before coming to Japan and how those expectations were different from the reality. I started writing and then went a little nuts, so I thought I'd also post it here. Keep in mind that this was a thread on facebook and that I'm talking to a bunch of Japanese study abroad people and at points sort of commenting on what was previously said. I think it holds together though.

For me, the before was mostly that there would be crazy things happening at all times. It was along the lines of, some people were traditional and stern, but most people were just plain off the wall, but in a good way. In other words, I would constantly be bombarded with weird and interesting things and experiences.

The reality is, it's been just like anything else, good, bad, and in the middle. The people here are people, even if they do seem to conform more to the status quo. In that regard, actually, I was disappointed. I feel like there are weirder things going on in America, mostly because people feel a need to rebel against it. Without that, as feels to be the case here, the interesting objects and clothing and venues are just the thing of the moment or merely a fashion identity.

These people do things because it causes the least amount of strain on them. I find that if you show them you can speak their language, they are far more willing to interact with you. I think it's true that people who want to be your friends want something of you, either language or culture exchange, but isn't that what we want of them? As far as the man to woman thing goes, it's true in certain cases and not true in others. Have you guys tried picking up chicks in kabuki-cho, Tokyo? I've seen my American friends, both those that have no Japanese and those that could teach the class fall on their miserable faces almost every night that first month. It depends, I think.

That barrier that exists beyond language, that culture barrier, and the tatte mae, is indeed stronger than I was led to believe. But there are some weirdos here, that are harmless and perhaps even dorks or losers (but isn't that also us?), that we can be accepted by.

I met a male Japanese friend when he hooked up with my, also male, friend, and we didn't connect because he wanted to practice English, as his English is already exceptional. We slip in and out of both, and when he asked me whether or not it was easier to speak in Japanese and English, and I replied in Japanese that sometimes its hard to understand him, but I wanted practice, and he smiled and said, "ah, then it's Japanese!" While it's true that he does have a fascination with foreigners, don't we, as well? He loves European politics and history and economic theory. He reads Western literature. He has a strange fascination and an encyclopedic knowledge for American Presidents. He strives to understand himself by juxtaposing himself with items of stark contrast. Just like me.

The reason we became friends is because we all strange. Who are we to try to penetrate this dense culture, and yet we do try. Who is he to live in Canada, and to rebel against his Japanese traditions and live out his honne as much has he can? His difference is ours, the authentic interest in things not our own.

But that's the fallacy we came here with. We thought that because we were different, we could fit in somewhere else, a place we perceive as more strongly analogous with our tastes and ideals. But people are the same anywhere. Why would it be easier to make friends or talk to people here than in America? It should be harder, if anything, because of language. Beyond that, we'll only truly strike up with weirdos because that's what draws us in. On the surface, the Japanese are more bureaucratic, closed off, and conformist, but those are all generalities and mean nothing. Finding cool Japanese people as friends or as sexual partners or just to talk to on the street is as easy and hard as it is at home. Some people spurn you and some people are kind out of politeness, but some people truly want to help you and want for you to help them.